“There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship”, I would often say to friends and fans who think Jien and I are “soulmates” and a “matchmade in heaven”. No relationship is a walk in the park and it takes effort to make things work – even more when you’re married. People would tell me how lucky I am to have found Jien who supports my every endeavour.
I don’t deny that but we have our fair share of ups and downs, just like any other marriage or relationship. We just choose to tackle the issues together and we get plenty of support from our support couple, assigned to us when we did a pre-marital course and subsequently, a marriage course to ensure we communicate effectively.
Jien and I have a loving yet equally stressful relationship that is impacted by these factors – work, blog, business and family. We work more than 8 hours a day, on top of managing Bangsarbabe.com and the fashion label. And this doesn’t include fulfilling our family obligations.
This leaves us with barely any time left for each other, especially since I started my digital marketing agency. We’re both juggling so much on our plate but we work around the situation. I think when you’re faced with such a situation, the key to avoiding conflict and ensuring both partners are happy is to communicate regularly.
And by communicating, I don’t mean talking for hours to each other. But rather, communicating consistently throughout the day. It can be as simple as saying “hi” or just asking how the other person is doing. I think this simple act alone is greatly overlooked and underestimated by couples because they feel they “have better things to do at the office”.
We learnt this in our pre-marriage and marriage course – to always make time for one another and to understand each other’s love language. By ensuring each other’s needs are fulfilled, you’re able to protect your marriage / relationship from external threats.
I’ve witnessed long-term relationships break down because both parties failed to understand and respect one another. You may think you know your other half best but we as individuals are constantly changing and what may have been our love language before may not be the same 2 or 3 years down the road.
This was the case for Jien and I. We realised that my love language eventually changed and Jien had to change his approach to making me feel cherished and appreciated. For me, I’ve had to learn how to compromise and understand him better. It wasn’t easy and we’ve argued a fair bit, but we’re determined to make this work.
To those who think I have “the perfect marriage”, I hate to break it to you – it’s A LOT of hard work. Jien and I are constantly learning about one another and we’ve made it a point to include each other in our activities. I try to bring him along when I go for events and we would go on a date afterwards. ;)
We make it a point to catch up with each other daily, no matter how busy or tired we both may be. It was a huge struggle at first but we got the hang of it. This brought us closer than we were before and we aren’t afraid to speak our mind and share how we truly feel to each other.
Many couples lack that because they are afraid of being ridiculed or brushed off by their other half. To me, keeping quiet will only drive a wedge between you and your partner. So always make sure you communicate your feelings and thoughts effectively. This will be of great help in ensuring your relationship remains steadfast and loving.
How do you think you’re doing in your relationship with your partner? Find out more here.