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Of lost friendships and making new ones
January 15, 2015

Of lost friendships and making new ones

I’ve been doing some self-reflection and evaluation after losing quite a number of friends in the past 5 years – while I reckon it’s pretty common for this to happen, I wasn’t prepared to deal with the feeling of loss and desperation. This is also one of the reasons why I’m hesitant to get to know people beyond just a meal or a cup of coffee.

When I was growing up, my friends were mostly chosen by circumstances – the ones from school, tuition classes and play dates. As I grew older, I picked my own friends based on shared interests. I’ve also come to realise how many of my friends reflect where I am in life. In college, my friends were party goers and movie buffs. When I joined the workforce, I made friends with people who are more career driven and ambitious.

Then there are friends who are more of a ‘touch and go’, the superficial ones where friendship is based out of convenience. These are the friends who don’t stay around for long because when we progress into different paths in life, the common interest (convenience) is no longer present. I should have seen this coming, as a friend who constantly talks about hitting the latest parties around town isn’t going to stick around when you’re hospitalised or when the going gets tough.

Yes, I’m greatly impacted when I lose a close friend. Because when I go into a friendship, I usually invest a lot of my time and effort – the greater the effort, the bigger the disappointment when the friendship ends. I would wonder if I ever did enough as a friend, or if there was anything I could have done to salvage the friendship. For friends of convenience, I would feel taken forgranted and stupid for not being able to see through such people.

As I moved into the corporate world and embarked on married life, a few of those friends no longer have anything in common with me. And while I tried making effort to stay in touch, it was one sided. Friendships without cultivation eventually wither and die – these friends didn’t fit into my life as they didn’t get why I couldn’t just drop everything at work for a leisurely coffee session. Or why I could no longer afford a night out three times a week.

I guess I now understand the meaning of ‘friends come and go’, and that I should be prepared to come to terms with the possibility that the friends I have now might not necessarily stick around in future. But I’m keeping my fingers crossed they would. #stayinghopeful

12 Responses

  1. stacy

    I have the exact same feeling as you too.. But i guess this is the price to pay for growing up .

    1. Bangsar Babe

      Thanks for the comment stacy. Is it quite heartbreaking to lose friends. I hope I don’t lose that many moving forward. 🙁

  2. Steven

    What you said is really true and true friends are not many nowadays.

    1. Bangsar Babe

      Even fingers can count hor? I consider myself lucky if I have 5 good and true friends actually…

  3. I had a very close friend, one I deemed to be the best in my life. We knew each other in school and had been close since. It was until we embarked on our career journeys that we began parting ways and losing common topics. And we also saw how we started having different perspectives toward life. I was really struggling to hold onto the friendship and I hoped she was too. We didn’t have a real argument but rather, sarcasms were thrown (both directly and indirectly) at each other. We are still friends now but no longer close any more. We don’t share our life stories like how we did and it hurts me a little knowing our friendship can never be the same again. But I moved on and still contact her occasionally. I guess we just have to be open and understand that friends come and go

    1. Bangsar Babe

      Sorry to hear that Jodie. If the other party isn’t willing to work hard on the friendship, it will eventually wither and die. I hope you find reliable and true friends along the way. 🙂

  4. Viviene Tan

    My kid bro (a big fan of yours) brought me to your site. Just read your post about lost friendships and making new ones. Wow, I do relate ! You write well too. Keep up the good work 😉

    1. Bangsar Babe

      Thanks for dropping by Viviene! Please thank your brother for his support too. 🙂

    1. Bangsar Babe

      Hello! Hahaha when are we meeting up? 😛

  5. Very well said. Fret not;because when one chapter closes,another one opens. Dont overevaluate yourself-thinking about what you could have done etc because sometimes, you are just better off without them. Over time, youll meet many more characters and youll eventually find those genuine gems.

    1. Bangsar Babe

      Thanks Christina. Hopefully I’ll find people who values friendships the way I do. 🙂

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